Friday, 14 May 2010

'ard as nails

You're probably a hardcore gamer if:

you've been playing a game so much during the day that it's what you dream about at night.

you've played from sunset to sunrise without sleeping.

in anger or frustration you've hurled the controller with sufficient force to damage its exterior, if not break it outright.

the first thing you do is go to options and invert the Y-axis.

you've been insulted by an American online e.g. "Teddy, you're a douche bag, man".

you are aware that the xbox 360 controller's d-pad is part of garbage.

you've gone a whole weekend without any human contact cos "the games made me".

trophies/achievements have changed the way you play games... for a while at least.

you haven't had 3 meals on a given day. Not because food wasn't readily available but because playing simply seemed more important at the time.

FHM, Loaded and publications of a similar ilk are dead to you when it comes to their
opinion on games.

you can identify the game they're playing in the movie/show you're watching.

you encounter the word 'melee' far more often than others.

you recognise the vast majority of these games: Pure, Half-Life, Oblivion, N+, Braid, Elite Beat Agents, Forza, Bioshock, Baldurs Gate, Civilization, Disgaea, Far Cry, Crysis, Portal and Nintendogs (joking -ha).

you'd happily repeat after me "RSI? shma-RSI".

you know that, like movies, games come out on Fridays.

you look upon the practice of button mashing with contempt and out of principle you will continue to beat a button masher long after you've stopped having fun in order to show them, by example, that it isn't a winning strategy.

you know that any game of a film (e.g Eragon) is rubbish. This also law works in reverse - Max Payne I'm looking at you.

you wouldn't be able to live with yourself if you played a game on the easy setting. The exception being Ikaruga. On easy, it's still the hardest game I've ever played.

you're always in the process of playing a game and you know what game you're getting

Rocket Propelled Grenade isn't the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the
acronym RPG.


Though camping outside a store to ensure you get hold of a game or machine is a heroic effort, it's more akin to crossing the Arctic or climbing Everest and simply isn't the kind of thing that well adjusted people get involved in (you deviant).