Sunday, 15 March 2009

Annoyance of it all (the remix)

1) Bottlenecks.

i) The top or bottom of an escalator.
ii) A shop door

These are bottlenecks. There's a greater than normal degree of human traffic through these zones, mostly because there is no other way to proceed than traverse them. So why are there idiots that decide to stop in these places?

2) Phone protocol.

I can see you love a good example (me too!). So let's have one.

Me: Hello?

Phone rings, so I answer. So far so good, everything is going fine.

Brainless fool: Hello?

My 'hello' has a question mark on the end. I have used the correct vocal inflection. At this point the caller should be making some manner of request. A good example is "Can I speak to so and so?" Being the magnanimous hero of this story I proceed with a positive attitude.

Me: Hello?

Perhaps the caller didn't hear me.

Brainless fool: Hello?

Alarm bells.

Me: Hello?

Brainless fool: Hello?

One assumes this person has called for a reason. Why are they making no moves to achieve their goal? Truly I have no answer, the only certainty is that this person is an idiot and I am annoyed. Being the hero of the story I rescue the situation and my internal well being.

Me: What can I do for you?

What a guy.

3) Cash machines

See if you can spot the odd one out:

i) Rocket science.
ii) Brain surgery.
iii) Quantum mechanics.
iv) Cash Machine operation.

Yes. You guessed it. Cash machine operation isn't a particularly taxing endeavor. Well that's what I thought. There are some people who must disagree with me. I've seen them. I've queued behind them. How is it taking you this long to use a cash machine?

4) The have-tos

Onward with the workbook theme.

Annoyance: Are you having children.

Me: Not sure. Might steer clear of that.

Annoyance: Oh, but you have to.

No. No I don't have to. In fact technically I don't have to do anything, let's not be pedantic though. There are some truly mighty have-to's. These gods of have-to's don't require classification let's see some.

i) You have to sleep
ii) You have to eat

These are obvious. Everyone knows you have to partake in the above activities, there's no need to explain. The rest of the have-to's tend to rely on support of an 'if'. Let's have another tumble with the gods (they're such fun) to illustrate.

i) You have to eat IF you want to live
ii) You have to sleep IF you want to live

So where's the IF in having to have children? What's going to befall me if I don't? Oh, I see. You were trying to impose your idea of how life should be lived on me.

1 comment:

  1. It's like you found my letters and read each one out loud..
    Standing at cash machines waiting for people to finish performing surgery - I often wonder if maybe the person that went before them changed the language option, or maybe they've dozed off after a hard day of quantum mechanics...